if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
