chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he shaved USA in his pubs
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
