i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
