He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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