i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
