Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
