He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
