hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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