Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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