I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
