Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
