But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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