I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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