i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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