So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
we're so committed to being not committed
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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