so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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