guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
