I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
