how can u be prego again
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
