life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
