Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
