seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
