My first STD was from a foam party
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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