don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize