It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
