you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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