you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
