Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
