I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
