The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
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