im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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