I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
