too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
