Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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