I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
