Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize