yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
