I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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