It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
