i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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