So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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