I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Randomize
