i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
