I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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