we have officially lost it.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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