I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
