so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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