They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
