You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
