I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
