I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
what day is it and did you see me today?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
