The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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