he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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