that's an acceptable place to lick
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
