remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
