the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
