1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
