I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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