last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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