Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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