I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
