Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
