discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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