ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize