feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
