I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
