Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
