I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize