I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
