so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize