I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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