So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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